she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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