just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
