Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
