Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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