So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
