I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
