Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
try to milk me bitch
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
