Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
