Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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