He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Someone shattered a urinal.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
