He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm always down for nudity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
