my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
