I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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