he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
