please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
