Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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