I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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