Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
