I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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