She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
