I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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