I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
