Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
