I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
