His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
