11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
