I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
