you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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