I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your cock deserves a montage
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
