I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I could fuck to npr.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
