Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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