Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
