i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
