new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
