I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Congratulations! We have a period
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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