Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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