I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
