Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
