I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
