i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
