I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
