She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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