Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
