ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
