On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
