Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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