bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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