I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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