oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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