I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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