If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
