it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, he came in my armpit
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
