Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
only you would photoshop your dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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