i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
