No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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