i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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