WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We were destined to go to rehab together
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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