This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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