Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
