walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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