Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just gargled with NyQuil
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
