Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
