It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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