Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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