College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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