I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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