We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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