Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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