i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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