ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
