Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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