I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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